How not to lose, when you have everything to lose
The day I thought my little boy was dead
Yesterday night, just for a second, I thought my younger child was dead. That felt like an eternity to me. It was the longest second of my entire life and also one of the scariest things I’ve ever been through in my 44 years. He was lying on his bed, with his eyes closed, without moving any muscle at all and with vomit all over the sheets and pillows. I thought he had broncoaspirited while he was sleeping… and died. Alone. And all that happened while I was downstairs, pretending to watch a stupid Netflix series and reading a book.
He likes to play with his Lego’s while he’s watching something on the iPad, so when I entered to his room and saw the light off, it was so strange. I went up to call him to dinner, so was almost dark. It took me a few seconds to get used to the darkness and see him on the laying on the bed. He hardly take any naps, so when I got closer to the bed and watched the whole scene I got paralyzed.
“He had a little stomach ache, but he looked alright…”
“How much time has passed??”
“Why nobody hear anything?!”
“Is he…? Is…”
I finally could talk and called him by his name twice, but nothing happened.
“Why I left him alone?”
“Why I didn’t let him watch the cartoons on the TV with me instead of letting him go alone to his room?”
“What…? Is he d…?”
Then, he finally moved and opened his eyes. And the whole started to move again with him. My heart included.
I thought a lot of things on that second. Hundreds of things. But do you know what’s surprising here?
- I didn’t recalled the model of my car or thought about that SUV that fulled my mind the last couple of weeks.
- Didn’t thought about the balance in my bank account.
- Neither came to my mind all the job and tasks on my ToDo list.
- And of course, I totally forgot about that time when he came home with a F on his Math exam.
But for some reason, before yesterday night all those things were on my mind constantly, seemed so important and I did spent a lot of time thinking about them. No, let me correct: I wasted a lot of time thinking about them.
But not any more.
Now, — and since yesterday night — I want to enjoy all the little moments and go to bed tired but full of happiness. Yes, I still want the SUV… but it eventually will come. And hopefully, I will take all my kids on it to the beach.
But if for any reason I’m never able to buy it, we can still go on bus. Again, all together.